Existential Ramblings in the Desert through the eyes of children..
February 28, 2009
time moving fast but that is really only a human concern…the desert with the mountains overlooking them have no such concern…the Indians down the road I don’t think much bother either…the white man with his white death left them behind a long time ago…I was out in this spot three years ago…Lia and Isabella were just babies then…I didn’t have my camera then…just the Fitzell’s video camera which I used to capture the big sky sunsets…I was excited by the fact alone…youtube had just started and I had put up my first youtube video, the Genie’s Hey Fuzzy What’s UP. There was no Flickr then so I hadn’t begun this insane posting of pictures…the whole internet thing fits into my philosophy of where you are at the moment…it’s like a kerouac thing, you’re rapping about your consciousness in the moment…it’s a break down of authority…your only as good as you are in that moment…it’s like Celine’s dictum, a journey into the end of night…your travelling in your imagination…do you have the faith to ride it to it’s illogical conclusion?
Planes, kids, nyc, qua, the desert…
February 28, 2009
Well it had been my birthday so I had hit city…four days into the drunk and I was out…over four hours of video in my possession…bands, fiction poetry reading, freinds…in the ‘qua and the in the plaines ruminating on what I had experienced…bounced it up but lukewarm reception..a little bit of bummer but not that much…I have seen it plenty of times before…people don’t react…it’s easier that way…it’s a conversation though…or absent of conversation…I should have just posted the video…I shouldn’t have said anything…instead of being mr. nice guy I should have just done it…hestiate and the critics come in…and they are not of the world of the blogs, of jamming the thought…their websites are all out of date…and so I moved on…through the airport and the plane….view over america…and the kids…sign of rebirth and renewal and innocence….there in the desert…the big sky coutnry…it was time to write myself into the movie…
Yoga, the middle finger, connection…
February 24, 2009
In today’s class the conversation talked about the middle finger and whether we should go there or not and the use of straps…Diann was pointing out if you take your middle finger and place it at the tip of your thumb you make a heart connection with the universe…also if you point it and move it straight up it lengthens the muscles along your back and she was instructing us how the arm actually stretches to the lower back…we also used straps today…there were the inevitable jokes about bondage and other good humored remarks but it was insighftul how the straps held your arms together which made more efficient movement…also in hipster style Diann was rapping how you could go to the targets downstairs and pick up a strap and a block for twelve dollars…
“You never threw anything away?” she asked the class…
She recounted how she saw some cheesy item on sale on late night tv and she was somewhere and couldn’t resist buying it. Somehow the conversation stumbled on throwing stuff away and remarkably one woman said she had never thrown anything away. Ironically, yoga is about throwing stuff away and letting go so you can get in more in touch with yourself.
It was then Diann related how if you connect your middle fingerswith your thumb you create this heart mudra.
At the end of class she rapped on how diamonds are symbol for the light that shines within me. I couldn’t help but think that diamonds play an integral part in how terrorists launder their money. Every time I see an ad on tv selling sophisticated diamonds to an upscale clientele I think how these people are truly abetting the so called terrorists cause. Weird thoughs in a yoga class, who woulda thought?
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New York Night…
February 24, 2009
In the New York night…shuffling lost in the Wall Street Canyons…got confused on the subway out of Brooklyn…hopped on the 2 out of Grand Armory Station because it lonely and empty out there and the four didn’t seem to ever becoming so when the two rolled in I hopped on it….ipod…with X and John Doe and Grateful Dead humming in the ear drums…on the street thinking about Henry Miller’s perceptions of New York and America in general…the lack of soul…the sickly obsession with money…drunk, wasted couples making out by the bars…dishwashers emptying out the nights trash….soft glow of light in the restuarants…a ghost town….no more carcass to gorge of….out at Freddie’s in Crooklyn…got lost out there to…ironically walked the length of Dean Street…asked a cop directions…she gave me a dirty look…like what are you doing here white boy?…and so it goes and so it goes in the American night…
Reconnecting…
February 20, 2009
Tom and I reconnecting after a 15 year hiatus…shit happens and then it passes it on…it was like we never had stopped…the old grooves were right in place…as I told him, it felt good to be with someone who understood where I was coming from…from time to time I have thought about why the scenes I hung in fell apart but I came to the conclusion it was just meant to be…we were all very young and taking a lot of chances and being very experimental…in a culture which really doesn’t encourage such endeavors it’s not surprising that it fell apart…it’s a testament to how real were then that it’s coming back now…
Morning in the ‘qua…
February 19, 2009
My continuing exploration of the light behind my house. Today was a good day to take pictures because it is unexpectedly warm. After a snow and rain fell yesterday, there was a fine mist on the ground adding an angelic feel to the shots…
After the brutal cold yesterday the warmth against my flesh felt really good. Also to see the sun after such a dark day was such a welcome sight. There has been so much negativity on the television that it felt great just to be out in the peace in the woods. On the streets in White Plains, you can see the scowls on the people waiting for the bus, economic fortune long having since past them by and then on the train, soulless nature of the executive class…
To see sun creeping up the trunks of trees so refreshing…
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Today’s yoga class….
February 18, 2009
I made it to today’s yoga class. I was a hungover and feeling raw from the night before but instead of going deeper intoi the drunk I made the decision to go into the health. To make sure I didn’t totally destroy myself I went in late. Diann’s yoga classes are intense to begin with not to mention if you are in a hungover condition. The thing that sticks out in my mind as I write this is how she urged us to stick out our middle fingers when we were in the downward dog.
“You can stick them at me, I don’t care, ” she said. It subtle things like that that bring you to the higher place because indeed, I could feel muscles in my lower back loosening which I need more than anything else.
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What we see…
February 17, 2009
Many years ago, 1997 to be exact, I was given a book by a Williams college professor entitled “Ways of Seeing,” by John Berger. It explores the myriad ways we see.
In no other form of society in history has there been such a concentration of images, such a density of visual images.
And I would add never has there been such a time of unconscious awareness as kids sink into self indulgence excess of image as their parents howl at the moon in desperation seeing the world they have created has sunk into a morass of foreclosure.
It has always been about seeing for me. At least since the ninth grade. As the years pass on, I see more and more. This doesn’t count much in this culture but it is the way I have lived. As the world around me became more and more materialistic I delved deeper into the ‘qua landscape, my eyes focused on the changing light and scenery around me.
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Qua boy one more day in the Qua Light…
February 17, 2009
The ‘Qua boy one more day in the ‘Qua light…this morning there was a yellow glow topping off the trees and sloping down the hills. Walking down into the woods I could see the streaking shadows which are so present in the winter years. Once down the hill, when I looked backwards, I could see the light exploding over my parents house. In the town there was a quiet sense of being since the schools are out on winter vacation. It is all about the kids in this town. That is in addition how much the adults can rip off down in Manhattan and other such fancy locales. Through a freak of happenstance, I was born into being the ‘Qua boy, an action formula hero on the quest of vision and seeing.
My vision is wrapped around studying the light of the ‘qua…I wish I could make it more glamarous for you but that’s all there is to it.
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Spring 08…
February 16, 2009
Soon to be spring…pitchers and catchers have arrived in Florida….a clear sign spring is almost here…almost time for rebirth…even, if time does hurtle so fast…like wine, I can see more clearly….outside at the moment those very trees are empty forlorn in the cold winter…
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